Again! Again!! O.K., That's Enough!!!!!!!

So, last month the roof fell in on my house of sticks, and now the walls are collapsing. Life as I know it is changing and I either have to adapt or die (or at least bury under bedsheets in a fog of depression -- also not a palatable option). I found a new place to live right away, it just wasn't ready until, well, pretty much now. My rashly planned and announced mega-move (another one of my impetuous mistakes), was quickly re-tooled into a mini-move due to widespread unavailability of more than two people with spare time, neither of whom had big enough muscles for what needed doing. I am trying to ignore the filth at the B's house (it has gone from "our" to "his") and focus on what I need to do to re-establish the outward semblance of internal order. It's a bloody pain-in-the-ass, that's what.

I did have a very nice break visiting the family in Alberta and B.C. recently, spending time lazing around at my sister's "cottage" (more like a "country estate"), hanging with people I like and who like me, soaking up a lot of sun, not thinking about stupid boys masquerading as men. Felt oh-so-good. I genuinely did not want to leave, knowing what I faced back home. But life and time march forward with grim determination, and so must I. Blech.

I want to be 10 yrs. old again and do a few things over. Problem is, I'm not sure do-overs would make a huge difference. Even with hindsight, I would probably end up making mistakes, judging poorly and jumping in where I shouldn't, only in different circumstances. I'd still have other harsh life lessons to learn. Different ones. And really, in many cases, I don't think my judgment was so bad, I was mostly just unlucky or overly-optimistic (ummmmm, isn't that a form of bad judgment?) Sigh. I'm just going to have to take some of these metaphorical lumps. Maybe next time things will turn out better. Sometimes it's hell being a cock-eyed optimist.