My PhD in Lame-ass Flirting

After a painfully lame attempt at flirtation early this week, I thought I'd take a break from attempting to become an Irresistible Guy Magnet. It's not that I'm craving a boyfriend right now, or desperately lonely... I'd just like to relax, dammit. It's bloody hard work trying to be scintillating when that's not your normal operating mode. I can, in fact, scintillate quite handily given the right circumstances -- which equate to a rainstorm in a desert -- but when I'm not truly comfortable, it's a slog.

In truth, the flirtation wasn't a complete disaster, but in combination with a friend who served as a less-than-brilliant 'wingman', and a subsequent drying-up of the conversation, I left feeling oddly excited and deflated at the same time. When my friend decided to take the bull by the horns and offer the object of my attentions my business card, from her wallet, she upped the ante higher than I wanted to go. I didn't want him to feel like there was an expectation to follow up. It would have made a return visit more fun, rather than fraught with supposedly disappointed hopes. All of a sudden I looked needier than I felt I was. But as the deed was being done, I had the feeling that snatching the card away would have been petty. I dunno. Of course, when she pulled the fake cockroach out of her purse and jokingly feigned disgust at what she found in the establishment, well, it was pretty much Game Over.

It is a type of game, no? With byzantine, sometimes obscure, ever-shifting rules. I'm not sure I like the game. I repeat: when I'm not truly comfortable, it's a bloody slog. I long for the ease of shared interests, equality of temperament and intellect, senses of humour that seem to feed off each other, and the satisfying feeling that I'm being challenged but not belittled, enlightened and expanded without being patronised. And while I'm at it, a nice body and sensitive love-making skills wouldn't hurt one bit, either... I know, I know! Almost everyone looks for that, or at least almost everyone with more than two brain cells to rub together. But hell, it can be hard to find, especially when you're on the shy side.

I suppose I should be proud of the fact that I managed to get out of my shell and almost had a success of it. Even though it ended less than brilliantly, it was worth it for the learning curve. Some day, in the distant future, I may even get my PhD in Flirtology. Some day. When a snowball has a chance in hell. :)

I'm So Organised, I Scare Martha

It's pissy out today. Warm and wet and slushy. And my procrastinator button is stuck in the 'ON' position. Last night a friend came over and we made Christmas fruitcake for the very first time. Both of us fruitcake virgins, we decided on a double recipe and tried baking some of it in muffin tins as well as loaf pans. Well, since it was dark fruitcake it was a little hard to tell when it got to the 'over-baked' stage. So one of the few constructive things I've done today is scrape the burned outsides off the mini-cakes. Next, I'm going to wrap them in cheesecloth soaked in brandy and a soupcon of Grand Marnier, and then wrap them in the finest plastic, the rarest of aluminum foil, and put them in a safe place. When they are ready to be doled out to our unsuspecting friends and family, we'll garnish them with lovely nuts and figs and an apricot glaze, and hope they don't notice the scorched bits... What am I saying? If they're not on their knees in gratitude, they WILL be blacklisted. I'm also planning on making a huge whack of Greek shortbread cookies and vow to do my best not to eat them all before they can be given away. A monumental test of my puny will, but I am determined. There must be at least one cookie remaining when the clock runs out on 2008.

Not only that, but I managed to do all my Christmas shopping yesterday! Or virtually all of it. So now I'm going to traipse over to the post office and send some padded envelopes brimming with good cheer off to Alberta. This is so unusual for me, I don't know what to think. Perhaps I'll just bask in the togetherness of it all. I guess I'm less lazy than I thought.