Stealth-love

From my friend's brother, in response to an article she sent about father-son affection:

"I’ve taken to kissing my father…

"I don’t know how – or why this happened. Perhaps it was the effect of the evangelicals and their “Promise Keepers” movement or perhaps it was my envy of the Southern European cultures where men kissing men does not have to be followed by an immediate move to San Francisco . Yet I remember the day when I first kissed my father. I had been saving up confidence and courage and promised myself that I would. Of course not on the lips for that would be too familiar. No, I would kiss him on the cheek.

"I had become particularly good at hugging him and after years of affectionate squeezes, his ramrod-stiff posture had softened and he began to hug back, to even haltingly whisper “I love you too Arthur.” But till that day, the kiss had evaded me. Yet with apprehension flying like a flag I kissed him. His cheek felt like a new toothbrush, one never soften by use, with his 2 days of growth repelling my lips… and it was not as I imagined.

""He did not revile me in Clint Eastwood-esque fashion nor did he welcome this gesture with a stronger hug or a returned kiss. No, I don’t think he has kissed me for about 41 years. Yet while he seemed set back by this, he mumbled a soft thanks and his face painted a puzzled grin.

"That was 3 years ago and I have not quit. No one has made any movies about it and I doubt Art & Knut will be featured in any news paper or periodical. But I am glad I have begun to kiss my dad. He is far from the perfect father and he still has not kissed me in return but he seems to love the fact that I love him and that I am willing to scale the wall of this social norm to grace his cheek with my warmth.

"And through this exercise, I have learned that there is another man I must kiss yet he is much younger. His mom egged me on and I had to figure out a way to kiss him, sort of like a commando raid. So occasionally, with Navy Seal stealth, I sneak up on this fellow (usually while his mom is distracting him) and then plant one on his cheek while punching him in the stomach or something like that… He doesn’t get mad about it either and seems to wear these kisses like a badge of honor. I guess not too many step-sons get kissed by the “interloper.”

"So now, I am a Father-kisser… and am a Kissing-father… and life seems just a little better for it."

I, too, occasionally kiss my father, who, unlike Knut, is somewhat affectionate when greeting his offspring, giving us rib-crushing hugs -- if not much else in the physical sense. I think the kisses also surprise him, with a little softening in his demeanor when I pull away. It's a small thing, but it leaves a substantial impact.