Collections

I have had a few collections. My first was a stamp collection that my parents started for me at the tender age of about 9. It was a kit featuring a binder with pages for ALL the countries of the world (at that time), ready to show off my finds, and a little instruction booklet. For a short time I was enthused, collecting stamps willy-nilly: Montreal Olympics stamps, stamps from my West German relatives, those random sampler packs from Coles bookstore that contained stamps from obscure and exotic locales such as Trinidad and Tobago, or San Marino, or Yemen (my 9-yr.-old self marveled that those places had post offices). I even mastered the art of mounting those stamps with the little gummy glassine flaps that the booklet insisted I use. But my heart wasn't really in it. Less than a year into it, the binder was gathering dust in the back of my bedroom closet.

My next collection was my junior and senior high artwork. I had a few pieces of which I was rather proud, including my unusually good pencil sketches of furry animals like squirrels (no, really, they were actually REALLY good!), an anorexic-looking ballerina all in pink, and a brilliant vanishing point painting of red, blue and yellow boxes (pure genius...). Unfortunately, that collection died an untimely death when my bipolar mum, in one of her manic cleaning phases, tossed the entire portfolio (lovingly handmade of bristol board, staples and tempera paint) into the trash. After my adolescent rage faded, I vowed I was done with collecting.

My resolve didn't last, of course. While I was in university, my parents went on a junket to the British Isles -- a prize my dad earned for having sold the most Phillips T.V.'s in town. At some point during the trip, when she wasn't locked in her hotel suites' bathrooms (she was not a good traveler), mum bought me a scarf as a souvenir of Scotland. On my next visit to the thrift store near our home, I discovered a whole selection of souvenir scarves. The light bulb in my head clicked on. They were cute, cheap, reasonably portable, and dollars-to-doughnuts (what the hell DOES that mean?), nobody else in my acquaintance was going to be scouring the thrift stores for those babies -- making my collection UNIQUE!! Woo hoo!!! Thus my souvenir-or-vintage-or-just-plain-neato scarf collection was born.

150-or so scarves later, I am on to my newest collection, probably also unique. I collect Craigslist postings. Not just any postings, but specifically those from wfm or mfw 'Missed Connections' and the personals. The ones that make me laugh or have a really well-written story, or have a moving or profound thing to say. The ones that stick out in their uniqueness.

The 'Missed Connections' trolling is relatively easy to justify. Although I, like many others have a tiny, secret longing to be one of those missed connections, I, also like many others (as I am gradually realising), am attracted to CL - MC because of the occasional irresistible glimpse into the yearning of one soul (or hot bod) for another.

Trolling the personals is a little more difficult to defend, but I'll do my best. Yes, I am in a committed relationship -- we actually met on an internet personals site, for which we shelled out a bit of dough. Yes, after I started seeing The Boyfriend, I kept an oar in the water for a while, just in case prince turned to frog. Eventually, I deleted my profile, but now and then, when bored, I went back to have a look -- as a form of amusement (and maybe a little escapism). However, I never re-posted or contacted anyone. When I checked out Craigslist, I discovered its FREE personals -- a whole new animal. People could write as much or as little as they wanted, post pictures, e-mail each other for no money down. I figured this would attract a broader array of desperate singles and I was right. But some of those ads, good and bad, were too entertaining to ignore.

So I started a collection. It's pretty simple: if the ad looks good, I cut and paste into MSWORD. I'm up to over 200 pages now. I want to post excerpts from my favorites and see how it goes. I'm aware of the possibility of transgressing some term of service or other, but hopefully, by trying to retain the anonymity of the posts, I'll skate on the right side of the rules. Ergo: no names, locations, dates, times, or ages. Age-ranges, general appearance descriptions, and some personal preferences may be included. There won't be any overtly sexual writing, but the odd naughty allusion may pop up (HA! ...that's rather funny..!). Aside from what I just mentioned, it's all going to come from the horses' mouths. I won't be making any of this up, despite sometimes wishing I had. All that being said... here goes nothing...