From the Archives: The Post that Started it All

This hilarious CL post (excerpted) started me collecting (is that proper grammer? Oh dear...): For more details about my collection, see the post entitled Collections.

"I am Perfect! - 40's

"I must post this to at least spare one lucky woman the necessity of placing her own posting in craigslist. For her I am eliminating the process of having to specify which faults she cannot tolerate and the pain of wondering which ones of her own may be deal-breakers, telling prospective suitors not to bother applying if they are this, that or the other, telling them to check baggage, to be educated, able to spell, be clean, etc. I would never dare criticize a woman for having standards for her mate, in fact I encourage it. I am simply saying that one woman, assuming she reads this and responds, will not have to concern herself with any of these things because...

"I am perfect !

"Now right away you are going to say "wait a minute, you sound arrogant to me". I would just politely point out that I am not engaging in braggadocio, in fact I am not quantifying anything - I am just expressing a fact: that I am perfect. This means I have the correct amount of confidence, am humble but not falsely modest, and have faith in God (who or whatever that may be) and my abilities.

"Where to begin, let's see. Well first, as you can detect, my command of English and spelling are impeccable (punctuation/grammar police, you may skip this posting - any concerns you may have are strictly a matter of interpretation, and since I am perfect and you are not, you are wrong). I have received the perfect amount of education, could read when I was 3 years old, and have an IQ of 151 - the perfect Intelligence Qotient - just enough to be a genius without all that imposing Steven Hawking/Albert Einstein stuff. I am **, which is the perfect age. I still have my youthful body, appearance, and sexual energy, but have the perfect amount of life experience to live life to the fullest. I intend to stay **.

"My heart rate and blood pressure, perfect and perfect. Perfect brown hair styled in a perfect bed-head spiky way, perfect expressive brown eyes, and perfect face - I look exactly the way I should. Height: 5'*", weight: 155 - perfect for my height. I play or played all the correct sports: golf, hockey, football, baseball, tennis, bowling, and avoid the others ("ultimate", basketball, soccer - wonderful to watch, but too much work to play, and lacrosse), have exactly the correct car (none), live in a perfect home in the perfect neighborhood in Central (naturally) *. I make it a point to be patient, polite, and helpful to others because it's just stupid to not be. Also, I'm hoping that instead of me telling you "I'm funny", that even if I'm not I do enjoy having a sense of humor and don't "take myself too seriously" - just the perfect amount of seriously.

"I am self-employed so I have the perfect boss, without saying exactly what I do I am in the perfect field for my skills and intelligence (IT). I am extremely talented musically, having taught myself to play several instruments, and have written, produced, and recorded several songs, lyrics included, doing all the performing myself. I recognized that life as a musician may lead to imperfection, so several years ago I decided I should have a real career.

"I know your next question: "if you're so damned (just the right amount of profanity) perfect, why are you not married ?". Duh. Is there some kind of law stating I'm imperfect if I'm not ? I've made it to ** still single and had time to accomplish many things, but still have enough left to do that it would be exciting to share it with someone. Is that not perfect ? As I write I realize that I could just go on and on about myself, but I'm thinking that I do not wish to take more than my fair share of your time."

Ed. Note: Etc., etc., etc...