From the CL Vaults 6

Some of the more outstandingly, hilariously weird posts from Missed Connections and Personals. Yes, they're all real...:

Will kill spiders and zombies - m4w - 40's

I'm particularly versed in disposing of zombies. Like, the effectiveness of boarding windows, 100 myths about zombies, Chainsaw? or Shotgun? amongst other things. Will asses (sic.!) your home to see how zombie proof it is.

Also fairly good with Grizzly Bears.

Horny centaur seeking nymphs, dryads or even a hobgobliness. - m4w

Very horny centaur looking for oversexed forest spirits.
Well hung!

Can also protect you from bears should the need arise.

Hmmmm, could those first two be related?

Botanical Stripper - m4w - 20's

You were the young adorable stripper working Saturday night at the *******.
I was the awkward skinny guy wearing a tie that only brought 40 dollars.

It's not that I'm asking out a stripper or think those eyes batted specifically for me. I'm just pretty sure we're supposed to be friends or you're my guardian stripper. either way, something (besides your nudity) has drawn me to you.

anywho, you'll never read this and people will mock a missed connection with a stripper. but on the slim chance you ever do see this, to prove it's you, you gotta tell me the province you're from, school you're going to, area of crackheads you live near or your favorite movie.

talk to you never.

Up to date glasses and levis incasing your bubble butt. - 40's

I love you to tickle my chest hair (possibly dyed) peeking out of my Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt. No Turks. Please be vertically challenged, Jewish, not Turkish, with damp thunder thighs. Bi-Sexual, Non-Turk, Switches also encouraged.

If you are turned off by 2 for 1 coupons please do not respond. Also no Turks.