Feeling the Fear

I'm embarking on another venture. A bigger venture than blogging every day for a month. This one entails co-writing theatrical scenes for the museum at which I work, and performing them -- as a pilot project -- for the public. My partner-in-crime and I started out with a ballsy, shoot-for-the-moon proposal which was, to put it mildly, unrealistic, but it served two purposes. It got their attention, and it made us dream. Or scheme. I'm not sure which; they are fairly intertwined at this point.

I often find myself emotionally restrained on some levels. It's as if I hold myself in check, almost like little Walker Brown (see April 13, 2008), so that my gallumphing emotions and enthusiasms don't flail around and hurt me. Or someone else. Yeeeeaaaahhhh. Maybe I'm a little more repressed than I should be sometimes. IMO, that's one aspect of being and extroverted introvert: seemingly outgoing on the outside, but shy on the inside. It probably also explains some of my more common digestive troubles... :)

So to counteract the fear of not just harm but failure, I push myself to cautiously creep forward, or stride ahead blindly, hoping things will sort themselves out along the way -- which they often do. "Feel the fear and do it anyway.", pretty much sums it up. When I asked my former husband for a divorce, when, shortly after that, I moved away from the city we lived in to a totally new place, or when I recklessly auditioned, in the worst of circumstances for a program waaaaay over my head, I wanted to be brave and true to what I felt I needed to do. And I was curious to see what would happen. Sometimes I was pleasantly surprised. Sometimes it was truly a trial. Sometimes it turned out pretty well, in ways I never would have predicted. There were also times I've regretted being so reckless, but I've always come out wiser.

So bring on the wacky theatrical antics. Should be an interesting, probably bumpy, ride...